The Heart of God

When I was 20, I felt the light of God come to me.

It sparkled with every dimension of color. Glittering specks contained within brightness beyond comparison.

I somehow felt it nearing before I saw. As it approached, within my core…

I wished it away, Desperately.

Shame overshadowed me.

My heart said, “No.” “Do not come to me. I am worthless.”

No words were exchanged but I could feel that God felt the deep shame I had in my heart, the wretchedness I felt I was in such presence.

Beyond redemption. Worthless in the sight of such glory. The depth of the divide

seemed to exceed My existence as Jamie.

In that moment, the light formed a hand.

A hand that reached out, touched my chin and lifted it.

Without words again, Like a direct message to the heart, I felt what God felt for me.

LOVE.

He felt I was worthy of his presence. Or rather,

that his presence desired to be with me.

I wept and wept.

There is no greater feeling to be had in this world or beyond than to be reassured not only that there is a God, and that his glory is incomprehensible,

but that his heart is for you.

As much joy as God has poured into my spirit since this moment, there is still nothing to which this compares… It is HEAVEN. No need for pearly gates, illustrious streets of gold, or emerald. Heaven: being fully known by God, in all your insignificance, and having the purest love and dazzling, holy splendor hover over you. Embracing your speck of color into its light as one forever. A sacred union deeper than any worldly one.

I only perceived a minute of this true communion with God,

a minuscule portion of his presence, a single hand but it was enough to show me true glory. Glory beyond comprehension. Glory that can make you feel so insignificant, and yet so filled with abounding grace and worth.

God did not place shame on my heart, nor did he put off that I was insignificant, in fact the feeling placed on my heart contained such affinity. But the existential presence that is God, the glory, the stunning, sparkling light,

is enough to make even the most righteous, hide in the shadows.

In contrast,

As Jesus was baptized, it says the spirit came down from Heaven

like a dove,

and rested upon him.

Rested. 🕊

It wasn’t a transient moment One ponders over their lifetime. It settled there…

It found a home in the one man who was tempted over and over again

and remained

blameless.

I was also tempted, asked to give more, Love more, and failed, consistently.

I’ve had to forgive myself for such transgressions.

I thank God for the one that was truly worthy to contain his spirit. For in my afflictions,

I could not hold but a moment.

I can also tell you, at the time of this moment, I was not reading the Bible, nor did I have a relationship with Jesus. But I was embarking on a search for truth. It wasn’t until years later that the spirit directed me to the son and the word to deepen my understanding and relationship with God.

It was pure grace.

Like the prodigal son who came back to his father’s house, and though he was still a LONG way out,

the father ran to meet him.

Gods love is profound and so full of grace.

I have felt my life and spirit have not measured up to the kind of experience God gave me,

I fail to “practice” my religion on the level I feel I should be. I don’t even belong to a specific church.

But of one thing I am certain, I belong to God.

I’m beginning to grasp the concept of God’s patient way of transforming, and emboldening the heart.

How, “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” ‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭3:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Love is patient.

I can also assure you that I am nobody.

Nobody important,

or worthy in my own right. In fact, at that time,

I was about as lost as I ever was.

And that experience,

though it was the precipice that started the chain reaction of change in my life,

wasn’t even able to change my behavior in an instant. I didn’t understand the honor in being sanctified. Being transformed, day by day, to hold just a particle of his likeness.

I had to loose myself even more, to find him more.

His heart is for the lost,

for those that yearn for truth.

I have shared this experience with very few people in my life. I didn’t even dream of sharing the experience publicly until recently

I share now because I can feel the pouring out of God’s spirit into this broken world. I feel and see his word being fulfilled,

slow and steady.

I hear his patient knocking on my heart.

He tells me not to fear his people. He tells me to write what he has done for me.

I want people to know, these moments and other deeply profound moments are possible.

That the spirit is willing

if they ask.

That this connection to God is greater than any validation the world can give. Believe me, I strived for the validation of the world too, and still desire affirmation.

But the world and its nuances

cycle through their own emptiness,

and then move on

to strip the next soul

of its light.

Become willing to genuinely and authentically examine your heart before God. Ask for God’s presence. Ask for Jesus and his kingdom to make a home in your heart. Read the Bible

and it will reveal its layers to you.

Come to God in authenticity,

The spirit will teach you.

The truth seeks us…

Yearns for us.

We only need to be willing

to step into the light.

Then, If we make our ways right,

Perhaps we will not separate ourselves from him and hide away from his glory.

For I believe the torments of hell

Lye not necessarily in punishments from the devil, but from the severed bond he created. This is the pain, and emptiness that comes from the deep separation from the source, I AM, Yahweh, Jehovah, Adonai, Elohim.

Hell – a sunken, fiery trap of a soul,

lost and alone in its self-seeking jealousy, and pity.

So cleanse your heart that you may carry even a single photon of God’s essence.

For within us was made a pocket for this light, that nothing else can fill. And everyone who has this hope in him, purifies himself, just as he is pure..

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

If God is light,

without darkness,

and Jesus said we are all to be one,

can God take into himself our darkness?

This is why I, and many Christians cling to Jesus.

The son,

the blameless lamb,

the olive branch,

the light of the world,

the bridge to Heaven,

Outstretched his bleeding hands

saying,

“Oh my lost beloved,

come

through

me.”

Have you had an experience like this? it would give me great joy to hear.

Supportive Scriptures

The Prodigal Son

“Jesus went on to say, “There was once a man who had two sons. The younger one said to him, ‘Father, give me my share of the property now.’ So the man divided his property between his two sons. After a few days the younger son sold his part of the property and left home with the money. He went to a country far away, where he wasted his money in reckless living. He spent everything he had. Then a severe famine spread over that country, and he was left without a thing. So he went to work for one of the citizens of that country, who sent him out to his farm to take care of the pigs. He wished he could fill himself with the bean pods the pigs ate, but no one gave him anything to eat. At last he came to his senses and said, ‘All my father’s hired workers have more than they can eat, and here I am about to starve! I will get up and go to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired workers.”’ So he got up and started back to his father. “He was still a long way from home when his father saw him; his heart was filled with pity, and he ran, threw his arms around his son, and kissed him. ‘Father,’ the son said, ‘I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer fit to be called your son.’ But the father called to his servants. ‘Hurry!’ he said. ‘Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. Then go and get the prize calf and kill it, and let us celebrate with a feast! For this son of mine was dead, but now he is alive; he was lost, but now he has been found.’ And so the feasting began.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭15:11-24‬ ‭GNT‬‬

The Spirit& it’s Guidings

““Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Jesus ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.” ‭‭John‬ ‭3:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“There is nothing covered that won’t be uncovered, nothing hidden that won’t be made known.” -Jesus ‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭HCSB

‬‬“… a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” -Jesus ‭‭John‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” -Jesus, John‬ ‭14:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭2:28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Son

“Then John testified, “I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove and resting on Him.” ‭‭John‬ ‭1:32‬ ‭BSB‬‬

“God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17

“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”” ‭‭John‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“As they looked on, a change came over Jesus: his face was shining like the sun, and his clothes were dazzling white.” Matthew‬ ‭17:2‬ ‭GNT‬‬

“And I saw a mighty angel proclaiming in a loud voice, “Who is worthy to break the seals and open the scroll?” But no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll or look inside it. And I began to weep bitterly, because no one was found worthy to open the scroll or look inside it. Then one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep! Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed to open the scroll and its seven seals.””Revelation‬ ‭5:2-5‬ ‭BSB‬‬

Hell

“They will suffer the penalty of eternal destruction, separated from the presence of the Lord and the glory of His might,” 2 Thessalonians‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭BSB‬‬

“Therefore, while the promise of entering His rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be deemed to have fallen short of it.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭BSB‬‬

God’s resting place can not be where evil is…

“He (God) said to me, “Son of man, do you see what they are doing here, more detestable things that the house of Israel is committing, so that I must depart from My sanctuary? You will see even more detestable things.”” ‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭8:6‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

God’s very presence, is so resplendent that it destroys evil & not even a righteous person can survive seeing his face.

“Then the cloud covered the Tent and the dazzling light of the Lord’s presence filled it. Because of this, Moses could not go into the Tent.” Exodus‬ ‭40:34-35‬ ‭GNT‬‬

“When King Solomon finished his prayer, fire came down from heaven and burned up the sacrifices that had been offered, and the dazzling light of the Lord’s presence filled the Temple. Because the Temple was full of the dazzling light, the priests could not enter it.” ‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭7:1-2‬ ‭GNT‬‬

“Then the Wicked One will be revealed, but when the Lord Jesus comes, he will kill him with the breath from his mouth and destroy him with his dazzling presence.” 2 Thessalonians‬ ‭2:8‬ ‭GNT‬‬

“I will not let you see my face, because no one can see me and stay alive,” ‭‭Exodus‬ ‭33:20‬ ‭GNT‬‬

Yet no matter how deep your sin,

there is hope,

for the greater the sins you have,

the more love there is

at forgiveness

““A creditor had two debtors. One owed 500 denarii, and the other 50. Since they could not pay it back, he graciously forgave them both. So, which of them will love him more? ”” -Jesus ‭‭Luke‬ ‭7:41-42‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

“…If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hillside and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” -Jesus ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” -Jesus ‭‭John‬ ‭10:27-29‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Heaven

Because of the lamb, those who purpose a life of truth and love, with a spirit that testifies to all that Jesus is, will bask in the presence of the glorious dazzling light of God forever and ever, and never thirst again.

“I did not see a temple in the city, because its temple is the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb. The city has no need of the sun or the moon to shine on it, because the glory of God shines on it, and the Lamb is its lamp.”

‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:22-23‬ ‭GNT‬‬

“For the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd. ‘He will lead them to springs of living water,’ and ‘God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’””‭‭Revelation‬ ‭7:17‬ ‭BSB‬‬

Amen